


Eat Shit Jacques

by Rebel28426



Category: Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (TV), RWBY
Genre: Cussing, Insults, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21699046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebel28426/pseuds/Rebel28426
Summary: Jacques Schnee is such a terrible person that he deserves a song parody stating just how terrible a person he is. This is that parody.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Eat Shit Jacques

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Eat Shit Bob](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/540469) by Last Week Tonight. 



> Jacques Schnee can go suck a dick. Performed by Roman Torchwick.

We watched a show  
Got to see Weiss Schnee grow  
And learn important lessons on the way  
She rebelled against her dad  
And he got really quite mad  
'Cause Jacques Schnee wants to make her pay  
So until he gets what's coming...  
And thrown down some plumbing  
We have just one tiny thing to say:  
Jacques Schnee can go fuck himself today!

Ladies and gentlemen, to help me better respond to Jacques Schnee's complete bullshit. Please welcome to the show, The Suck My Balls Jacques Dancers!

(Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee)

Hey Jacques! Watch this!

He went to Beacon and spit in Glynda Goodwitch's face  
Filled a rocket with puppies and he shot it into space  
He shot Mercury in the leg and watched him cry for fun (H-why?)  
He killed Penny Polendina and caused a Grimm invasion!

That's right, if we discuss Jacques Schnee in a way no reasonable person could construe as factual. We can say whatever the fuck we like! So come on everyone! Let's head to the streets!

(Jacques Schnee, Yow!)

He'll stroll into a stranger's home and jizz right in their Peties  
He started the Faunus War and tore up all of the treaties  
He wrote the Macarena and he dots his I's with hearts  
And even worse, he likes to blame the Faunus for his farts!

Hey! What's the big idea?  
We're using protected speech to tell Jacques Schnee to eat shit!  
Jacques Schnee? Is that the guy who dipped his balls in my hot dog water?  
That's exactly who I'm talking about!  
Can I bring my cart?  
It's not ideal  
It'll be fine if I leave it here, right?  
I DON'T KNOW!

(Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee)

He doesn't like Renora  
He cut off Xiao Long's arm  
Showed Hazel to some children and told him to do some harm  
He masturbates to Enabler  
Tauradonna makes him hard  
He was Cinder's Dust supplier!  
And chose Forrest's prison guard!!!

(Jacques, Jacques Schnee!)

Stop! Everybody please! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!  
Roman, as your Legal Counsel please, stop.  
I have something very important to say:

One day at the Dust Store  
Jacques Schnee walked through the door  
He wasn't wearing pants that day  
His dick and balls on full display  
(Full display!)  
He grabbed Dust crystals from a bowl  
And crammed them up his (anal hole!)  
He spread his butt-cheeks far and wide  
He told the Huntsmen to look inside!  
(Look inside?)  
He said: "My rectum's full of treats!"  
"Reach in there and grab some sweets!"  
(Grab some sweets!)  
These are all real things Jacques Schnee did.  
See ya in court fuck-face!

Look! It's Mike and Marty!  
We're singing about Jacques Schnee. I believe you've heard of him  
You mean, The King of the Grimm?  
That's the one!  
Well we Grimm have a little something to say about him:

Jacques, Jacques Schnee is a furry  
Even though this might seem out on a limb...  
The man fucks Grimm!  
The man fucks Grimm!!!

(Eat Shit Jacques!)  
(Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee)  
(Eat Shit Jacques!)  
(Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee!)

Hey! I know where we should go!

(Oooh Ahhh)  
(Jacques Schnee, Jacques Schnee)  
(Eat Shit Jacques and...)

Hey Jacques!  
This is bad as you feared?  
It doesn't count as slander!  
Cause it's way too weird  
We made up these anecdotes  
They're silly and insane  
We could go on and on and on  
And on and on and on and on  
But we will stop this song because we may have fried your brain  
SO  
EAT!  
SHIT!  
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACQUES!  
YOW!

**Author's Note:**

> I recently watched John Oliver's piece on SLAPP Suits and Bob Murray. Then I realized that Bob Murray and Jacques Schnee are both in charge of mining companies and have done questionable things. Some time spent changing lyrics, and here we are. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
